Well douche your snatch and let's go!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
