I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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