well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
