OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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