Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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