alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
