I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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