It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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