1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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