the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
