Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
