did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
