You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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