Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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