Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
