i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
