He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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