He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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