It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
