just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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