we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
