I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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