it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
