Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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