Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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