im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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