Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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