i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
