ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
