I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
