worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
