I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
