if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
