Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
