Betty ford says i'm here all night
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
