Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
