the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
