So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
