What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
