I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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