Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Someone signed my nipple.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
