dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
