I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
