my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
