I molested 6 butterflies tonight
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
