Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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