you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
