Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize