Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
