I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
