I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
