I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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