I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
