insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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