Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
