Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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