I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
