I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
