you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You need Xanax blowdarts
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
