Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
