a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, beer. Big fan.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
