I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
