I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
