omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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