he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize