I accidentally burped into my bong.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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