i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My liver just had a heart attack.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
