In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
