Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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