so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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