No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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