there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I need water and some morals
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
