I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
