i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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