I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
