just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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